“Please don’t leave, I don’t think I can do this without you,” I said choking back the tears as she was packing up everything she owned in our house. She remained quiet, refusing to explain to me what had caused this sudden change of heart. I couldn’t understand- just the day before she was telling me she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and now? Now I am being iced out by a frozen heart. There was nothing that I could say to make her stay but I wanted so badly to do anything and everything I could to keep her.
As she was leaving she walked up to me, kissed me sweetly and whispered, “That wasn’t for you, that was for me.” With that being said she walked away carrying my heart with her, her kiss still on my lips. It paralyzed me. This was goodbye. I loved her with all I had and why couldn’t that be enough?
The answer is simply, sometimes love isn’t a good enough reason to stay. Weeks after she left I still begged her, “Please, come home..” Over and over I asked her, “Do you still love me?” I believed that if she loved me as much as she had claimed to love me before that we could be together and be able to work through anything. I wanted to be the one that she wanted to be with, after a year of being together I had grown this attachment to her. She was my best friend and my person that I went to for everything and now she left me with nothing. I loved her but that wasn’t enough to make her stay and I am okay with that.
You may love someone with all of your heart, you may be willing to go to any length for them but at the end of the day- if you are not growing as a person you’re not growing as a couple. You’re relationship suffers from being stagnant and that shouldn’t be a relationship you want to fight for. Our relationship became stagnant for a few different reasons. While I was putting my all into our relationship she was giving her heart to someone else. I was exhausting myself trying to fight for the both of us when really she didn’t want the fight. I should have put my feelings aside and have been strong enough to walk away. Instead I was begging for a person who had dragged me through so much over and over and I begged for them to stay every time. If someone loves you, you shouldn’t have to beg for them to stay. They should stay for themselves, not because you asked them to.
I should have been the one to walk away. Love is not a good enough reason to stay. Most importantly, guard your heart. It may feel good in that moment but it could end up haunting you for months past, even years. You’re worth more than a momentary lapse in judgement. Take in account that it’s not just your heart that breaks, it’s your mind. It’s your soul, it’s your feelings connected to everything you felt was what you had really wanted. But is it what you REALLY wanted? You wanted your heart to shatter in a million pieces and know the whole time that it could have been prevented? NO. You want peace. You want happiness. You want bliss. And this, this right here is not bliss. This isn’t happiness. Love yourself enough to stop dragging your heart through the mud and realize that you deserve more.
Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Gab with Gabby 